Just a week ago, my sister got married. Even though it’s her life and her marriage, I have had at least one moment each of the past seven days where I realized that she has started a new chapter of her life, and a new family of her own. Even though she’s the one who got married, her wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life. Let me explain…
In 20 years, I have seen lots of change in the world, but only slight shifts in my little family of five. We’ve all gone off to college, dad has changed jobs, mom has gotten feistier each year, but those were nothing in comparison to one of us getting married.
Having grown up as the youngest in a tight-knit family, understanding the value of my siblings was a given. Even when I didn’t like them, I loved them unconditionally. And as I’ve gotten older, the three of us have perfected our secret sibling language. It is spoken in a series of looks, eyebrow raises, and kicks under the table. It also encourages the late night conversations and the inside jokes that have formed a bond that is now indestructible.
So when my sister told me she was getting married, it’s a good thing she did it over the phone. Otherwise she would have seen the look of fear in my eyes. I shared her happiness because she has shared in mine my entire life, but I was also instantly fearful that her getting married would remove her from the exclusive sibling club the three of us had spent so much time developing.
There’s a secret about siblings that no one tells you: while you’re sharing moments and making memories, there will be someone out there who’s having their own moments and making their own memories, and walking their own journey that will eventually lead them to your sibling. And while your sibling time has been meaningful and sacred, there will come a time that all the members of this sibling circle, including you, will go on to start their own families.
At first, this concept was shocking and difficult to accept. At first I expected that her wedding day would be sad for me. In fact, as the wedding began, I was still patiently awaiting tears. They wouldn’t be the normal “love is beautiful” tears that I experience at most weddings, but a sadder kind of tears, the kind that express loss. I thought for sure that when the reverend pronounced them husband and wife, my world would shift and so would my relationship with my sister.
But as I my sister walked down the aisle and everyone turned to look at her, I looked at the groom instead. He was sweating quite profusely (probably due to both heat and the realization of what was about to happen), but the look in his eyes calmed me. He looked at my sister like he would be just fine only looking at her for the rest of his life. In that moment I felt no loss, no sadness. In fact, I felt quite the opposite: when those two said, “I do,” I didn’t lose my sister; I gained another big brother.
Someone once said, “You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest.” When I woke up that day I didn’t know that it would be one of the happiest days of my life, but it was.
Having grown up as the youngest in a tight-knit family, understanding the value of my siblings was a given. Even when I didn’t like them, I loved them unconditionally. And as I’ve gotten older, the three of us have perfected our secret sibling language. It is spoken in a series of looks, eyebrow raises, and kicks under the table. It also encourages the late night conversations and the inside jokes that have formed a bond that is now indestructible.
So when my sister told me she was getting married, it’s a good thing she did it over the phone. Otherwise she would have seen the look of fear in my eyes. I shared her happiness because she has shared in mine my entire life, but I was also instantly fearful that her getting married would remove her from the exclusive sibling club the three of us had spent so much time developing.
There’s a secret about siblings that no one tells you: while you’re sharing moments and making memories, there will be someone out there who’s having their own moments and making their own memories, and walking their own journey that will eventually lead them to your sibling. And while your sibling time has been meaningful and sacred, there will come a time that all the members of this sibling circle, including you, will go on to start their own families.
At first, this concept was shocking and difficult to accept. At first I expected that her wedding day would be sad for me. In fact, as the wedding began, I was still patiently awaiting tears. They wouldn’t be the normal “love is beautiful” tears that I experience at most weddings, but a sadder kind of tears, the kind that express loss. I thought for sure that when the reverend pronounced them husband and wife, my world would shift and so would my relationship with my sister.
But as I my sister walked down the aisle and everyone turned to look at her, I looked at the groom instead. He was sweating quite profusely (probably due to both heat and the realization of what was about to happen), but the look in his eyes calmed me. He looked at my sister like he would be just fine only looking at her for the rest of his life. In that moment I felt no loss, no sadness. In fact, I felt quite the opposite: when those two said, “I do,” I didn’t lose my sister; I gained another big brother.
Someone once said, “You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest.” When I woke up that day I didn’t know that it would be one of the happiest days of my life, but it was.