During Sunday night’s riveting Super Bowl, Always, a company that sells menstruation products, ran an ad that had previously gained attention as a viral video. The ad showed teenagers and young men and women acting out what it might look like to run, fight, throw “like a girl.” These young people acted prissy, timid, and otherwise weak. Then these prompts were given to younger girls, mostly under the age of 12. These children ran, fought and threw like they do every day – with all of their strength, with all of their passion, with all of their might. Then a sad but unsurprising statement came across the screen:
A girl’s confidence plummets during puberty.
In order to continue the conversation around the topic, they said this:
Let’s make #LikeAGirl mean amazing things.
As we know, all people need is a hashtag to start a Twitter conversation, especially during such a widely televised event. The response was great. There were young women from all over the country tweeting their own accomplishments. They win softball championships #LikeAGirl. They set high jump records #LikeAGirl. They fight for their country #LikeAGirl. Even parents took to Twitter to show all the things their daughters did #LikeAGirl.
But true to form, some twisted this positive statement to mean something negative. Self-proclaimed “meninists” started using the hashtag #LikeABoy to show that doing things like a boy was a positive thing – as though popular, constantly perpetuated culture doesn’t say it enough. It wasn’t even subtle. In fact one person put it out there quite plainly:
But true to form, some twisted this positive statement to mean something negative. Self-proclaimed “meninists” started using the hashtag #LikeABoy to show that doing things like a boy was a positive thing – as though popular, constantly perpetuated culture doesn’t say it enough. It wasn’t even subtle. In fact one person put it out there quite plainly:
While it wasn’t a direct response to that #LikeABoy ignorance, the tweet that perfectly summed up what all level-headed people were thinking was this:
Thank you Jules. You are so wise. You have so eloquently laid out the worth of #LikeAGirl and the ignorance of #LikeABoy.
#ICYMI, here’s the point: young women grow up to believe that doing things like a girl is a bad thing. If they throw, fight, run #LikeABoy, they are somehow showing more strength, ability or talent. That hashtag doesn’t need to exist because the concept behind it is perpetuated every day. On the other hand, #LikeAGirl is important because it’s all too easy to forget that acting like a girl is a positive thing.
Now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t mentioned #AllLivesMatter. Hopefully by now you know where I’m going with this. If not, just hang on.
One of the most prominent trending topics of the social justice movement happening in America is #BlackLivesMatter. And far too often, the response of non-black people has been #AllLivesMatter. Let’s dig into why it’s a microaggression no different from using #LikeABoy to combat #LikeAGirl.
First, consider what causes the knee-jerk reaction to answer that hashtag with a different one. If it makes you uncomfortable to see #BlackLivesMatter because you are not black, try to figure out what about 21st Century America makes it unclear that what the hashtag says is true. It’s the same concept as #LikeAGirl. If that trending topic makes you uncomfortable, then think about how popular culture makes it seem like acting “girly” is negative. When it comes to discussions about equality, inclusion and acceptance, discomfort leads to growth – but only if you push through it instead of reverting to a place that feels comfy.
Secondly, consider the optics for just a moment. When you choose to participate in a conversation about equality by using #AllLivesMatter where others have used #BlackLivesMatter, you’ve just Kanye West’ed the whole conversation, and users of #BlackLivesMatter are Taylor Swifting it off to the side. Even if what you mean to say is that we should approach equality with the aim of inclusion, what it looks like you’re saying is, “Black people, imma let you finish fighting for equality, but we’re all out here fighting for something.” It comes out of left field. It comes as an offensive shock. And it comes from people who try to insert themselves into a conversation they don’t have the tools to properly participate in.
Lastly, recognize that this is the trouble with using inclusion as the main goal of equality and diversity education. Including people is great. It is important for everyone to feel like they belong wherever they are – school, work, church, at home, in their communities, wherever. At the same time, the mistake that is often made with inclusion is that as a means of trying to be sympathetic to the experiences of others, they are sometimes taught to draw lines between the struggles of certain minority and their own struggles, even though they are not part of that group. For example, someone might say, “I wasn’t allowed on the baseball team because I was born to be naturally bad at sports, and one day you might not get a job because even though you’re qualified, you were born black. I get where you’re coming from. That’s why all #AllLivesMatter.” Nope. Sorry. That won’t work. Recognizing that someone belongs in a group or a place and actively including them doesn’t mean being blind to their differences and the struggles those differences may present. That’s why inclusion alone doesn’t work. You have to reach a point of acceptance – of differences and similarities, not just the latter. It may feel strange and uncomfortable, but that’s the only way attitudes will change.
Right now, we need to be reminded that #BlackLivesMatter and acting #LikeAGirl is a positive thing. As of now, we have not yet made ourselves uncomfortable enough to make these facts common knowledge. Until we have, we need to stop using micro-aggressive hashtags to combat these specific fights for equality, especially in the name of inclusivity. We know that #AllLivesMatter. We know that doing things #LikeABoy is considered a good thing. Let’s leave the hashtags for the things that really need to be trending right now.
#ICYMI, here’s the point: young women grow up to believe that doing things like a girl is a bad thing. If they throw, fight, run #LikeABoy, they are somehow showing more strength, ability or talent. That hashtag doesn’t need to exist because the concept behind it is perpetuated every day. On the other hand, #LikeAGirl is important because it’s all too easy to forget that acting like a girl is a positive thing.
Now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t mentioned #AllLivesMatter. Hopefully by now you know where I’m going with this. If not, just hang on.
One of the most prominent trending topics of the social justice movement happening in America is #BlackLivesMatter. And far too often, the response of non-black people has been #AllLivesMatter. Let’s dig into why it’s a microaggression no different from using #LikeABoy to combat #LikeAGirl.
First, consider what causes the knee-jerk reaction to answer that hashtag with a different one. If it makes you uncomfortable to see #BlackLivesMatter because you are not black, try to figure out what about 21st Century America makes it unclear that what the hashtag says is true. It’s the same concept as #LikeAGirl. If that trending topic makes you uncomfortable, then think about how popular culture makes it seem like acting “girly” is negative. When it comes to discussions about equality, inclusion and acceptance, discomfort leads to growth – but only if you push through it instead of reverting to a place that feels comfy.
Secondly, consider the optics for just a moment. When you choose to participate in a conversation about equality by using #AllLivesMatter where others have used #BlackLivesMatter, you’ve just Kanye West’ed the whole conversation, and users of #BlackLivesMatter are Taylor Swifting it off to the side. Even if what you mean to say is that we should approach equality with the aim of inclusion, what it looks like you’re saying is, “Black people, imma let you finish fighting for equality, but we’re all out here fighting for something.” It comes out of left field. It comes as an offensive shock. And it comes from people who try to insert themselves into a conversation they don’t have the tools to properly participate in.
Lastly, recognize that this is the trouble with using inclusion as the main goal of equality and diversity education. Including people is great. It is important for everyone to feel like they belong wherever they are – school, work, church, at home, in their communities, wherever. At the same time, the mistake that is often made with inclusion is that as a means of trying to be sympathetic to the experiences of others, they are sometimes taught to draw lines between the struggles of certain minority and their own struggles, even though they are not part of that group. For example, someone might say, “I wasn’t allowed on the baseball team because I was born to be naturally bad at sports, and one day you might not get a job because even though you’re qualified, you were born black. I get where you’re coming from. That’s why all #AllLivesMatter.” Nope. Sorry. That won’t work. Recognizing that someone belongs in a group or a place and actively including them doesn’t mean being blind to their differences and the struggles those differences may present. That’s why inclusion alone doesn’t work. You have to reach a point of acceptance – of differences and similarities, not just the latter. It may feel strange and uncomfortable, but that’s the only way attitudes will change.
Right now, we need to be reminded that #BlackLivesMatter and acting #LikeAGirl is a positive thing. As of now, we have not yet made ourselves uncomfortable enough to make these facts common knowledge. Until we have, we need to stop using micro-aggressive hashtags to combat these specific fights for equality, especially in the name of inclusivity. We know that #AllLivesMatter. We know that doing things #LikeABoy is considered a good thing. Let’s leave the hashtags for the things that really need to be trending right now.
Continuing the Conversation
Here are some articles that got me thinking about this topic:
| And don't forget... You have to be taught to be second class; you're not born that way. -Lena Horne |