I started this blog a little less than a year ago, emboldened by my exit from teenage years. Today is my last day of 20. In fact, I only have about an hour left. So in my last moments of this almost-legal age, I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned this year.
Keeping up with a blog is REALLY difficult, especially when you’re a college student – especially when you’re a junior. This semester was all about juggling the academic and co-curricular responsibilities, and sometimes everything else just had to wait. That brings me to my next point…
Sometimes you have to say no, but you cannot let anyone else say no for you. Only you know what is most important to you. Only you know what brings you joy and what simple does not. While your mentors, parents and friends may know what could help bring you growth or connections or experience, they cannot and should not decide what will make you happy when you go to sleep each night. If things don’t bring you joy, drop them. If things get in the way of the things that bring you joy, drop those too. If you try something and you lose interest or lose motivation to do it, admitting that is important to the happiness of those around you as well.
Having a bad day is a choice. There are some days when you wake up in the wrong mindset. If that happens and you have a little time, take a few minutes to close your eyes and center yourself. This may be a nap or a prayer or even just a silent recitation of the things you should be thankful for. Either way, if you constantly remind yourself that your bad days are someone else’s best days, you will go out into the world much happier and much more open to positivity.
Never downplay spirituality. In this context, I use spirituality to mean an indescribable inner calm. This can be linked to anything from religion to yoga to rock climbing. You must find what centers you. It is critical to your ability to grow without boundaries and love yourself, no matter what happens.
Quality is always more important than quantity. This applies to relationships, friendships and experiences of all kinds. You should never aim to have the most of anything. You should, however, aim to have impactful experiences. Growth is always the goal, whether the journey to that growth is good or bad.
Discomfort is usually a side effect of growth. When muscles are worked, they become sore, but only as a means of growing. The same thing happens with people. If we are nervous about having a conversation because it might be uncomfortable, because it might challenge beliefs or because it might lead to a disagreement, the conversation is usually worth having. Lately I have applied this idea to discussions about racism and discrimination, but that is one of very many such dialogues that need to happen in order for all of us to grow.
Put it on paper – your feelings, goals, complaints, worries or even just random thoughts. We write down our grocery lists so that we won’t forget anything when we get in the store – or so that we won’t buy anything we don’t need. If we write down our hopes and fears, we’ll have the opportunity to look back at them in six months or six years, so that we can remember that we felt awful one day and found a way out of it, or that we felt great one day and can find a way back to that. We can also look back at the thoughts we’ve had and prevent ourselves from doing things that will end badly. Journaling offers perspective, which will only continue to increase in value as we get older.
Return to the golden rule. As we keep inching away from elementary school, it gets increasingly easy to forget that we need to treat others as we would want to be treated. Often this requires some reassessment: are you giving your friends the same things you expect of them? Are you approaching situations with the same attitude you would want from others? Too often we hear our voices and see our actions from our own point of view instead of imagining what it might be like to be on the receiving end of the things we do and say.
Constantly seek self-awareness. You should always try to be in tune with what you want and what you need. With the high volume of change that happens to most of us during this time in our lives, your wants and needs will probably be different in six months and certainly will be different a year from now. That’s more than okay; it’s another sign of personal growth. As long as you are in tune with your desires and essentials, you will know what you can remove from your life, what you should add and, most importantly, how to find your center.
Sometimes you have to say no, but you cannot let anyone else say no for you. Only you know what is most important to you. Only you know what brings you joy and what simple does not. While your mentors, parents and friends may know what could help bring you growth or connections or experience, they cannot and should not decide what will make you happy when you go to sleep each night. If things don’t bring you joy, drop them. If things get in the way of the things that bring you joy, drop those too. If you try something and you lose interest or lose motivation to do it, admitting that is important to the happiness of those around you as well.
Having a bad day is a choice. There are some days when you wake up in the wrong mindset. If that happens and you have a little time, take a few minutes to close your eyes and center yourself. This may be a nap or a prayer or even just a silent recitation of the things you should be thankful for. Either way, if you constantly remind yourself that your bad days are someone else’s best days, you will go out into the world much happier and much more open to positivity.
Never downplay spirituality. In this context, I use spirituality to mean an indescribable inner calm. This can be linked to anything from religion to yoga to rock climbing. You must find what centers you. It is critical to your ability to grow without boundaries and love yourself, no matter what happens.
Quality is always more important than quantity. This applies to relationships, friendships and experiences of all kinds. You should never aim to have the most of anything. You should, however, aim to have impactful experiences. Growth is always the goal, whether the journey to that growth is good or bad.
Discomfort is usually a side effect of growth. When muscles are worked, they become sore, but only as a means of growing. The same thing happens with people. If we are nervous about having a conversation because it might be uncomfortable, because it might challenge beliefs or because it might lead to a disagreement, the conversation is usually worth having. Lately I have applied this idea to discussions about racism and discrimination, but that is one of very many such dialogues that need to happen in order for all of us to grow.
Put it on paper – your feelings, goals, complaints, worries or even just random thoughts. We write down our grocery lists so that we won’t forget anything when we get in the store – or so that we won’t buy anything we don’t need. If we write down our hopes and fears, we’ll have the opportunity to look back at them in six months or six years, so that we can remember that we felt awful one day and found a way out of it, or that we felt great one day and can find a way back to that. We can also look back at the thoughts we’ve had and prevent ourselves from doing things that will end badly. Journaling offers perspective, which will only continue to increase in value as we get older.
Return to the golden rule. As we keep inching away from elementary school, it gets increasingly easy to forget that we need to treat others as we would want to be treated. Often this requires some reassessment: are you giving your friends the same things you expect of them? Are you approaching situations with the same attitude you would want from others? Too often we hear our voices and see our actions from our own point of view instead of imagining what it might be like to be on the receiving end of the things we do and say.
Constantly seek self-awareness. You should always try to be in tune with what you want and what you need. With the high volume of change that happens to most of us during this time in our lives, your wants and needs will probably be different in six months and certainly will be different a year from now. That’s more than okay; it’s another sign of personal growth. As long as you are in tune with your desires and essentials, you will know what you can remove from your life, what you should add and, most importantly, how to find your center.
This year has been one of the best of my life. I have traveled, I have reflected and I have found myself on a path that I believe will lead to success. I feel changed by the past year, which is why I started this blog. For the first time in my life, I think I'm living for myself without sacrificing my relationships with others. For me, that reflects a great year of growth.
Here’s to 20. May 21 be just as great.
Here’s to 20. May 21 be just as great.